People talk about "The Holiday Season" and frankly I have no idea what they're talking about anymore. They probably mean that feeling kids get around the end of November, the anticipation and the swirling, engulfing, all-encompassingness of Christmas. You know, back when Christmas was a whole season and not just a day filled with obligaion that speeds towards you and leaves you exhausted and empty. I think people who talk about "The Christmas Season" are just longing for that feeling they remember from childhood and think they're supposed to still have. As if anyone with a job and a life actually feels that.
I don't mean to sound cynical. I've tried so damn hard not to be one of those now horribly clichéd people who hates the holidays. I've tried to be enthusiastic and throw myself into it with an open heart and warm intentions. But for me, Christmas is one of the great disappointments of adulthood.
The weeks slip by filled with crowds and soul-less marketing nonsense. Everywhere you look people are frantically purchasing meaningless gifts for people they barely know and don't seem to like all that much. It's a time of consumerist panic, as we try to fill the gaps between us with stuff; not heartfelt tokens of true affection, but stuff. Stuff we don't need and don't want. Stuff that makes us wonder if the people we love know us at all. Stuff that we now have to lug home in overstuffed suitcases that are over the airline's maximum weight limit for checked baggage, costing us not only emotional distress, but also $80 extra in traveling expenses!
The orgy of gift receiving is over and the hollow places inside me seem to be expanding. That imagined feeling of home and safety, of a family brought together in love and peace by the holidays is replaced by freshly minted memories of sniping and bickering, of impatience and dissatisfaction, of spoiled children, glassy eyed with greed, screaming and throwing tantrums. Of imperfect people incapable of putting their petty disagreements and resentment aside for this one day.
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