Ms. Sandra's Ex

Saw Madonna tonight...That's right, baby's first Madonna concert!

Now, I’m not one of those fags who worships at the alter of the material mama. But I do like Madonna. One of the first music videos I ever saw actually was "Material Girl" and I did this whole feminist analysis of her "What It Feels Like For a Girl" video in college. And "Nothing Fails" kinda breaks my heart. So, yes, I enjoy Madonna’s music. I think she’s pretty daring – though she used to be far more daring. She’s generally a pretty smart lady. But like I said, I’m not some brainwashed acolyte hanging upon every word she utters.

My friends Charlie and Dave, however, are. Seriously, they take fandom to ridiculous levels. They buy every piece of crap limited edition memorabilia. They freak out whenever her music comes on, no matter where they are. I don’t think I’ve ever hung out with them when they didn’t converse, at length, about Madonna. They’re both seeing her multiple times on her current tour at something like $200-$300 per ticket. Frankly, I think I’d love Madonna a whole lot more if my friends didn’t like her so much. If she hadn’t devoured an entire generation of faggots, I could probably truly appreciate her.

This is the sort of cynicism I was dwelling on leading up to the concert. I’d even joked earlier that I planned on ruining the whole evening for Charlie and Dave. But as soon as the lights went down and the music started, all of it melted away. Yes, I gave myself over completely to Madonnarama. And I loved it.

The opening set, with all the equestrian imagery and the dancers all done up in pony-play gear? Hottest thing ever. Seriously, hot men in jodhpurs and bridles and harnesses? Swoon. Hot guys should be required to wear bits at all times. I’m sure hardcore pervs will complain that now everyone’s going to think that Madonna discovered pony-play and delivered it to the masses, and they’re probably right. But it was still hot. It’s nice to see that Madge is still kinda kinky. The vintage footage of riding accidents that played on the big screen was so disturbing and oddly beautiful as well.

The mirrorball-crucifix that everyone’s been talking about was way more gimmicky than controversial, and exactly what point she was trying to get across is beyond me. Gratuitous? Def. Blasphemous? Whatever. The rest was so much disco smegma, but super fun nonetheless. I had kinda hoped for a few more classics, but the set was pretty heavy on the new material. But why am I complaining? I’m the first to admit I had a blast.

Just one question: Who was that old lady dancin’ around onstage in the leotard?