The Bad Touch

I remember reading in junior high that women reach their sexual prime in their 30’s, while men reach theirs around 18. This piece of information has stayed with me, and now that I’m 22 I’m actually terrified that I’ve pissed away my sexual prime. I’m worried that I’ll wake up one day and never be horny again.

I’m definitely not as horny as I used to be. In high school all I could think about was what I would do if I could get some dumb jock out of his clothes. I would have the dirtiest thoughts just looking at guys walking around the mall. When I started dating, I would get hard just being close to a guy, before we even kissed. These days I don’t feel that impatience, that molten squirming feeling as often as I used to.

I’m not on antidepressants. I don’t think I have any sort of sexual dysfunction. I think my problem is that I don’t allow myself to get horny. Masturbating has really become part of my daily routine. Even when I’m not particularly turned on, if I’m just bored, I’ll look up some porn and rub one out. And it’s not that I have any residual moral guilt about masturbating. It’s great, it’s wonderful, I think everyone should do it, no exceptions. But maybe there is something to the whole moderation thing. Maybe I shouldn’t be masturbating just because.

Thus, I’m instituting a policy of abstinence: no masturbating! I’m going on strike.

I’ve tried this in the past and I’ve failed, so I’m going to start slow. At first I’m going to take things one day at a time, like in AA. If I can make it through today without jerking off, then I’ll worry about tomorrow. I guess what I’m trying to do is build up sexual energy. I know, the idea that you can waste energy by ejaculating, it’s so Victorian or Catholic or something. But I think this will work. I think after a few weeks I’ll be this seething, carnivorous vessel of lust once again.

Until then, I guess I’ll do my laundry and catch up on some reading.