Bathroom Interview: Tommy Hottpants

Tommy Hottpants is one of my favorite NYC DJs, partly because of his penchant for playing Siouxsie and the Banshees and the Cure and Romeo Void, and partly because I really really really want to make out with him. Seriously. I think I had a boner during this whole interview.

John: So Tommy Hottpants, where are your hot pants?
Tommy Hottpants: My hot pants…well, I’m not wearing anything under my jeans, so they’re not there, but they may be in my suitcase which is packed up and ready to go to San Francisco in like 2 hours.

J: So these aren’t you’re hot pants?
TH: No. No these are not my hot pants.

J: If you had to DJ a porno, what would your porno soundtrack be?
TH: Probably something along the lines of a remix of this Faint song, a little bit of Manson, a little bit of Mötley Crüe. And perhaps…Def Leopard? It’s all about the metal stripper thing, you know? For me at least. You’ve gotta be wild and sexy in bed or else it’s not gonna happen, you know? Nothing pussy like Björk.

J: You think Björk is a pussy?
TH: She’s great. I want to meet her. I totally would like to hang out with Björk. But, for sex music…No. You know, none of that lovey dovey, like tweeky, creeky coo coo coo…none of that.

J: So if you’re going to be having sex tonight, what song will you be having sex too?
TH: Well, I will be having sex in an airplane. High above the skies.

J: Where are you going?
TH: San Francisco. My flight’s at six o’clock in the morning. And there will most definitely be sex in the Mile High Club. Already a member. Yeah, it’s gonna be hot. And in San Francisco it’s just gonna continue.

J: Umm…I think I’m out of questions. What would you ask me if you were doing this interview?
TH: Top or bottom?

J: Oooh. Both, definitely.
TH: Versitile! Oh that’s nice. Um, if you were locked in a bathroom and you could be with anyone, name four people.

J: I don’t know.
TH: I’ll answer my own question. It’s gonna be Pierre Fitch. Look him up online. He’s the hottest porn star ever. You’re gonna fall in love with him. It’s gonna be Pierre Fitch, Nikki Six, Henry Rollins, maybe, because you need one muscle guy. And probably Heath Ledger, but a la Ten Things I Hate About You, but without the hair. So that’s the bathroom party.